Planescape: Torment

Time to finish off this month with one of the stranger games in my little "Golden Age of Interplay" lineup. Planescape: Torment. Just like my porn addiction and my need to consume any liquids legally termed alcohol, a good RPG is something I just can't help constantly coming back to.

Jared from The Pretender will totally blow your mind as TNO

Planescape: Torment was special because unlike most so called "RPG's" this one really pushed the barrier of what Roleplaying was considered at the time. Your character was a blank slate (amnesia) and the way you played would influence how you turned out.

It did away with the whole character creation aspect of traditional RPGs and placed you in a "develop as you go" sort of story with a completely nameless protagonist. What made it even more memorable was that it almost completely dropped the usual "race table" you would be used to in a Western RPG. Elves? Nope. Dwarves? Nadda. Halflings? Fuck off.

*NOT* and Elf. Githzerai. Githyanki? No, those guys are pussies.

The story takes place in the whole "Forgotten Realms" setting of the Icewind Dale/Neverwinter Nights/Baldur's Gate universe but finds you on a completely different plane of existence. Sigil, the city of doors. A place that was supposedly the "center point" of the multiverse. The special thing about the place is that it is more of a middle-ground between worlds and dimentions where every arch is a possible portal with a specific key.

To give a few more precise examples: walking through a doorway while humming a certain song might teleport you to one of the lower layers of hell (if only life was this convenient) or carrying a piece of paper folded in a specific way while climbing through a window and pissing yourself would take you to another world.

This isn't where I parked my car.

This was also a world where "belief" plays a huge role, not in the way you might think though. This is a place where what you believe to be reality can manifest into solid form. Examples from the game would be talking someone into simple nothingness because you convince him in a conversation that he doesn't exist. Or meeting your imaginary alias made manifest after having used the name in a few conversations then even being able to talk to him.

The game was also very special for another reason: you could go through the entire story without having to fight. This was a game where your character's intellect and wisdom played a huge role. Your ability to talk through things and negotiate could net you far greater rewards than simply punching something in the face until it stopped being funny. By extension the game featured a bucket load of text to read through, but it was so well written that it never got tedious or stale. This game is in effect: the thinking man's RPG.

Tossing around insults until an enemy attacks him is an actual ability. Dear God I love Morte.

The setting was also very unique: Sigil is a place filled with all kinds of messed up races, most though are demons, planewalkers (people that travel to different dimentions and worlds for a living) and a shit ton of tieflings (any kind of mortal race with a little demon blood in their family). The world itself feels like a run down city that is somewhere between modern industrialism and traditional magic while the people and the cultures are the ones that really stick out.

The City of Doors has it's own lingo and customs, walking into this place is like walking into a foreign country. There are all kinds of strange terms and slang that you will learn and pick up before the game is over. The immersion of the game is almost scary in how well it pulls you into the setting and sucks you into the world your character is inhabiting.

They call it culture. I call it a tub full of body parts.

Most of this would not be as effective if the cast was not excellent and in that aspect PS:T fails to dissapoint. Your main character "The Nameless One" is interesting in the fact that as someone with amnesia he is a blank slate for you to Roleplay as you wish and control while still having an established past that crops up many times in the story without actually forcing you to react in a way that you do not wish. There is also the fact that he is apparently an immortal that can't stay dead for more than a few hours.

Seriously, one of the gameplay elements is the fact that there are very few ways to permanently kill you, this actually leads to situations where getting yourself killed can be a good thing. Sometimes you need to die to get past puzzles and sometimes a death can even offer you a small flashback of your previous life before amnesia set in.

To quote Kael'Thas: "This is merely a setback."

The supporting cast is both strange and in their own ways tragic. Each character that joins you has a well thought out and sometimes painful backstory, they come into the group with all their own emotional and spiritual baggage and each one of them is more different than the next.

Morte, the floating skull and somewhat of a "Virgil" to your "Dante", Dak'kon the Githzerai, Fall-From-Grace, a Succubus Priestess that abstains from sex, Annah the Tiefling, Ignus the Insane Flaming Mage (flaming in the sense that he is literally on fire all the time, not in the man-loving sort of way) and Vhailor...the uh...walking suit of armor.

PS:T has an awesome cast that will make you jizz your pants

These are just a few of the many that can join you on your journey through the planes, some of them might even end up accompanying you to the very lands of Baalor, the Blood War and beyond (once again, the DnD geek in me shining through to recognize all the places in the game just by hearing the name long before I even played)

The graphics are what you would expect of an Infinity Engine game, it all runs in a 2.5D sort of isometric view and actually has held up quite well over the years, the design and aesthetics of the game are so well made that even now, years later it holds up against modern titles by the simple fact that well thought out design can trump the "brown-gray" colour pallette of the more modern "next-gen graphics" games.

Totally not just brown and gray in this screen...there's uh...green?

The controls...well they definately streamlined the interface and menu compared to the other IE games. Gone is the long taskbar on the bottom of the screen, replaced by the character portraits (which happen to be beyond cool with their actual movement and reactions to the character they represent). Now all of the actions are mostly controlled by simply right clicking anywhere on the screen which summons a sort of pop-up menu. It works in theory but in reality feels a tad clunky and can make fights feel a little unwieldy.

Of course all of this takes a backseat to the story itself. As I said before, this game is more of a thinking man's RPG. Fights will likely happen at some point but the simple fact is that the story and even minor dialogues are so well written that almost anyone will find that taking the intellectual route is just as rewarding and fun as taking a violent one. I won't spoil the story but just for a reference, let me just say it all starts with you being carted into a mortuary on a slab by a zombie and waking up in the morgue to a floating skull asking you if you are just playing dead for laughs.

Clearly this is the face of a spiritual man who prefers to go the diplomatic route

Planescape isn't about saving the world or the princess. The princess is dead and the world is fucked. This is a story of personal discovery and in the end, Nameless One is really concerned with who he is and what the hell is going on.

The game really favours this to the point that rewards are usually better if gotten through diplomatic, intellectual or charming means and even follows this to the point that of the 4-5 possible ways to beat the game's ending, 2 of those are gotten through simply talking your way into/out of the whole final confrontation altogether.

Don't take that to mean that the game ends all puppies and kittens though. Because this game is itself almost bittersweet, the game world is harsh, unforgiving and brutal. The whole thing feels pessimistic and on more than one occasion showed me that in this world, doing the right thing can sometimes be very painful for you. In a way they game itself is very philosophical.

The whole question of love could easily have been answered if TNO listened to Haddaway in the 90's

You will often face questions of redemption and choice. What constitutes free will? What are the rewards of Love? Friendship? Loyalty? What happens when these things are betrayed and you see the consequences? What is reality and how can we shape it to our will? Or as the story itself asks you to think over many times: "What can change the nature of a man?"

Before the game ends you will make some painful choices, meet some truly memorable characters some of whom you will feel true regret and pain for and even start to ask yourself if some of the choices you made were really the right ones.

This game deserves to be called one of the best RPGs ever made. In fact on it's own it is one of the most profound and deep stories I have ever experienced. You would be doing yourself a favour by trying it out at least once.

Also this. I don't know why but I felt compelled to add this picture.

Arcanum

Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magicka Obscura. The name alone pretty much tells you that you are in for a geekfest of awesome in a bottle of nerdgasm juice. This game was released in 2001, developed by Troika Studios and published by Sierra Entertainment. No I'm not going to give my usual history lesson as that was already covered around a week ago in my "Prelude" post.

Now, there are very few Steampunk themed games out there. Many claim to be steampunk but fail horribly (Final Fantasy barely counts). The only *good* ones that I can think of right off the top of my head are Steambot Chronicles for the PS2 (JRPG) and Machinarium (puzzle point-and-click adventure game).

The nerd in me just soiled himself.

Arcanum on the other hand, is a free roaming open ended western RPG in the same style as Fallout 1 and 2. The game plays from an isometric view with battles taking place in either real time or turn-based depending on how you like it.

This game pretty much takes everything Steampunk and brings it into one awesome game. Made of Awesome. The game itself takes place in a sort of 18th century Victorian England going through the industrial revolution with Magic and Technology being strongly opposing factors.

From the get-go it seems simple enough in RPG standards: You get to choose from the basic DnD races of Human, Elf, Half-Elf, Dwarf, Gnome, Halfling (Hobbits for all you unlearned plebs), Half-Ogre and Half-Orc. What truly stands out from other RPG's is that while you pick your name, race and portrait you are also asked to pick your background.

The good doctor enjoys walks on the beach, classical music and cutting himself open in the name of science.

Your background grants you all kinds of different starting stats from things like "Raised by Monks" giving you a small bonus to your wisdom but lowering your starting money, "Apprenticed to a Shopekeeper" giving you a starting bonus to your haggling skills or any other number of possible histories, some even being race and gender specific.

As you level up you can distribute your skills into 3 different places: "Skill" involves stuff like melee, dodge, firearms, bows, haggle, persuasion, prowling, pick locks, etc. All of these skills can hold up to 5 points and can also be trained by NPCs in the world depending on how many points you invest ranging from Apprentice to Expert to Master, each giving you bonuses such as experts of haggle being able to sell any item to any shop or apprentice bowmen getting to shoot 2 arrows at once. Overall there are 16 Skills to learn and master.

Then there is Magic. You have schools of magic like black and white necromancy, nature, divination, conveyance, summoning, etc. Each school has 5 spells in it and though it doesn't sound like much until you consider that there are 16 magic schools adding up to a whopping 80 spells to learn in the game.

Then there is Technology. There are 8 schools being Chemistry, Electrical, Explosives, Gun-smithy, Herbology, Mechanics, Smithy and Therapeutics. of these 8 skills each has 7 levels to learn, each one offering a new item you can craft with items bought in shops or found in the world, some of these creations even work as components for more advanced creations.

So much useless shit...that could be useful. They laughed at me. But now that I have a gun that shoots knives...who has the last laugh?

An example would be how Mushrooms and Aqua Vitae make a chemical called Hallucinite that works like a mage's confusion spell on enemies. Adding another component to it turns it into an Anaethisizer which knocks enemies out immediately. Adding a gun to that mix gives you a tranquilizer gun that pretty much lets a gunslinger have a great crowd control weapon to turn a group of enemies into a bunch of sleeping helpless victims.

While there are already 56 different things you can craft just from learning the tech levels alone, there are also schematics found all over the world in treasure chests, houses or sold in stores. If your skills in a certain school of technology is high enough, you can learn these schematics as well.

There are around 50+ schematics to be found out in the world coming an insane 100+ possible things you could have the ability to craft ranging from things like an electric powered lamp for lighting dark places or silenced pistols and trap springers for thieves all the way to cool things like grenade launchers, flamethrowers, time bombs, giant robot spiders and robotic automatons.

Robot Spiders. Every evil genius needs Robot Spiders

Of course this is not all open to you in one playthrough. The game itself limits your character to a maximum level of 50 with one point given per level and an extra point every 5 levels to distribute as you please. But really, once one has decided on a certain course to take their character, by the end of the game you are left with a wholly unique creation.

A retarded but highly likeable Ogre? Possible. A pyromaniac technologist who focuses on using stealth and planted explosives to clear a room before pulling out a flamethrower and molotov cocktails when forced into battle? Easily doable. A pacfist Gnomish politician who goes through the game making his fortune through persuasion and lies then falling back on mind control through either magickal or technological means? Very doable and in fact was the basis of one of my playthroughs. The possibilities for true Roleplaying are endless.

So...many....options...

Thus far I have only covered the character creation. "But what of the story?" you may be asking. Well it works just as most open ended RPG's do. It starts off as a sort of investigation, trying to find out why you are suddenly thrust into what appears to be a series of unfortunate events leading to eventually having you become a prophesized savior of the world all the while being enmeshed in what appears to be one of the largest conspiracies in the history of Arcanum.

Though the story itself is not all that original, there are some genuinely nice plot twists to keep it all fresh and the fact that you can do it at your leisure means that you never feel like you are being forced into doing anything. If you want, you can simply say "Fuck this" and go do your own thing. There are so many quests to be done in the world as well as locations to be discovered and treasures to be found. On top of that, of the hundreds of quests you can do, there is usually more than one way to complete them allowing for roleplayers to really do things the way they want.

An example of this would be one that takes place near the start of the game: A bridge is being held up by thieves demanding a toll. You can choose to simply steal the key to get past the locked gate across the bridge. Kill the thieves by any means you think appropriate, stike a deal with them to destroy a nearby bridge being built so they remain in control and give you a free pass or even talk them into leaving by making them think you are a representative of the Thieves Underground and that they are encroaching on taken territory.

So far I have done nothing but praise the game. I suppose it is time I pointed out some of the weaker points. For one the graphics and interface feel dated. Personally I like the way the game is represented, but for those not used to the isometric style games like Fallout, Baldur's Gate or Planescape it might be a little difficult to get into at first.

Train! Monkeys love trains! :D

The sound is very decent with guns, explosions and other effects sounding as one would expect. The music is very appropriate, adding well to immersion and voice acting being superb but sadly limited to only a handful of NPCs. The Cutscenes are few and far between. While some are very nice, others are almost a bit of a joke, either being just a bunch of slides with a voice over or losing their apparent "epicness" due to obvious time and budget constraints.

Gameplay is good enough all things considered. I mentioned before that it played very much like Fallout 1 and 2. You could either play realtime or switch to a turn based mode and while it feels clunky at first, it doesn't hinder gameplay at all and becomes quite intuitive when you get used to it. Though I can't really say much for companions who (to be perfectly honest) are a tad retarded in their AI which sadly can not be tweaked.

The game world itself is huge. Each area/town/city is sort of set up in a semi-large map of it's own. There are no real loading times to speak of and all buildings are accessible and part of the overall map (in the exact same vein as Fallout).

This is pretty much the entire United Kingdom rolled into one country.

The only times you change to a different map when going to an interior in when entering the basement of a building or entering a cave or dungeon. When reaching the outskirts of an area you have the option to either keep going by foot (though it may take you literally a few real life hours to walk from one city to another) or switching to a world map view where you can click on your destination and your character will start crossing the map with the possibility of a random encounter taking place (once again, exactly like the Fallout games).

One glaring issue I need to point out is that the game suffers from an immense amount of seemingly random game crippling bugs. Thankfully installing the official patch and the unofficial patch (known as Drog's UAP) pretty much removes around 90% of the bugs and it is very rare that you will even come across them at all after the patches are installed.

There is also a world editor that allows people to make their own maps and custom modules which can be switched quickly and easily from the main menu. This is very similar to Neverwinter Nights and with the advent of this tool does leave players with some very nice possible options to make their own custom content or download those of others.

Not much else I can say really: The game is great. No. It's better than great, it's a flawed masterpiece and a one of a kind experience. There are few games I would heap this much praise on but the simple fact of the matter is that you would be doing yourself a disservice by not giving it a chance.





You can buy the game here for less than 6 dollars.
Patches, custom content and other goodies can be gotten here for free.

Prelude

Over the years many companies have been born and died in the righteous flames of game evolution. Some of these were meaningless to most of us while others were painful tragedies. Some of them went out with a fight, leaving behind a few lasting games that would immortalize their names in gamer's hearts for years to come, others gasped their final breaths, never having made an impact and fading into obscurity as time always promises those that fail to rise to greater heights.

Some other games companies refuse to die, like a shit that just wont flush.

Some of you may be wondering right about now: "Where is the Monkey's usual sarcasm and humour?" Well, this is not a review. This time around, I am going to give a little history lesson. Why? Because in a way, it is a prelude of what is to come.

Over the next few weeks, most of the reviews I will be posting will all have something to do with the companies contained in this little essay of sorts. I originally started this as a review of one of the games but soon came to realize that the history behind the rise and fall of the company that made the game deserved it's own place and came to write what you now see before you.

It's no secret that I am a lover of almost all things "RPG". And where JRPGs failed to capture my heart past the mid-90's, Western RPGs replaced that need to taste adventure and travel distant lands. For those who loved roleplaying games throughout the 90's "Interplay" is a name we all know well enough. Though Interplay as it was is long dead, back then it was a company that introduced the world to some of the greatest game creators to ever exist in the roleplaying arena.

It's actually a little scary how often I have seen this logo flash across my screen.

Most RPG gamers nowadays will know of Bioware and Obsidian, the former being a company spoken of highly by old school gamers and the latter being somewhat of a joke for releasing great games that all suffer from crippling, game breaking bugs, known as a company that always seems to fail the playtesting process.

The reason I mention them is because they are the last 2 standing on the ruins of a former Empire. Sadly Black Isle and Troika were not so lucky. Though Black Isle itself is not a company, I feel it deserves to have it's name among these giants of the industry.

Why am I bringing up these names? Simply put, they are all connected in their own way to Interplay.

Ever hear of Feargus Urquhart? How about Leonard Boyarsky? Or maybe Ray Muzyka? All three of these men have something in common. They are all in a way responsible for my favourite game trilogy of all time: The Bhaalspawn Saga, better known as the "Baldur's Gate" series for the PC.

I literally jizz my pants whenever I see this on the shelf of my local gaming store.

Let me stress just how great these guys were by listing just a few of the games they introduced to us: The Baldur's Gate Series, Icewind Dale, Fallout 1 and 2, Neverwinter Nights and Planescape: Torment.

These guys ushered in a golden age of roleplaying games the likes of which the gaming world had never seen before. This was what I refer to as "The Golden Age of Interplay".

It was around the end of the 90's that Interplay shut down Black Isle, their division for roleplaying games development. A few people left to create a new company: Troika Games while the rest abandoned the sinking ship to create Obsidian Entertainment. A few years later, Interplay shut down. Sure, it came back a little while later, but it is now only a shadow of it's former glory, pumping out a few sub-par Wii games and working on some iOS stuff.

*points at EA ownership* You broke my heart!

Bioware managed to do fine on it's own, giving us Jade Empire, Knights of the Old Republic, Mass Effect and Dragon Age. Offering up some great games to fans but slowly moving more towards the mainstream, becoming more apparent since EA bought them out.

Though many fans defend them, I am one of those that felt like nerd-raging when I saw how Mass Effect 2 had become a poor man's Gears of War and how Dragon Age 2 took the same approach and upset so many people that loved the first game for being a spiritual successor to the old Infinity Engine originals.

Obsidian went on to do the KotOR sequel as well as Neverwinter Nights 2, Alpha Protocol and Fallout: New Vegas. Getting along fine it seems but always releasing games that felt unfinished and buggy.

So....much...potential....

Troika? That is the real tragedy here. They went on to make only 3 games. But all 3 were flawed masterpieces. Temple of Elemental Evil was a traditional Dungeons and Dragons game using the 3.5 Edition rules to such an exact degree that even the most hardcore of DnD players could not complain.

Arcanum: Of Steamworks and Magicka Obscura was made in the same style as the old Fallout games and set in a Steampunk version of a Tolkien-esque world where magic and technology are at odds during an industrial revolution set in the 1800's.

Vampire the Masquerade: Bloodlines was their Swan-song, using Valve's "Source Engine" they created a fully realized version of the VtM Roleplaying setting into a living, breathing image of what Pen and Paper players could have only conceived in their wildest dreams.

You died too soon. I feel like playing Don McLean's "Vincent" whenever I see your logo.

With that as their final gift to the world, the company eventually disbanded, with the founders: Leonard Boyarski moving to Blizzard, currently working on Diablo 3, Tim Cain going to work for Carbine Studios and Jason Anderson moving from place to place before recently settling into Turtle Rock Studios.

As the years have gone by, games have come and gone. It seems like every other game is boasting words like "Next Gen" and claiming amazing graphics and intuitive gameplay. Yet of all those games 9/10 are lost and forgotten in a sea of chest high walls, a colour pallette made of nothing but brown and grey or just being another in a long line of rehashed ideas and cash-in's on what is currently popular.

It's nice to be able to come back to games that even after over a decade still blow you away with their story, immersion and the overall sense of satisfaction gained after playing through them. Perhaps as the next few weeks go by and a few of my reviews cover these games, you might also just possibly find yourself tempted into playing some of them.

Two Worlds 2

Back once again. What? Are you still here? You are asking why it has taken me 2 weeks to post a new review instead of 3-4 days? I'm an alcoholic simian, you can't expect me to be dependable and on time. Well as my ex wife used to say when I would ask for sex: "Lets just get this over with."

So what is it this time? Well, anyone that knows me as a gamer knows that I have a major hard-on for RPG's. I grew up playing JRPGs with some weekend DnD sessions on the side then switched exclusively to Western RPGs sometime in my early teens. The bitter truth is that my life is almost completely ruled by Roleplaying games, Rhum-coke and loose women with daddy issues.

Does anyone here know about a game developed by Reality Pump that came out some time in 2007 called Two Worlds? If you don't then I envy you, and if you do then I don't need to tell you about how it was one of those "love it or hate it" games.

Just like marmite: No one has a neutral opinion and mine is that you fucking disgust me.

Now, before you run off screaming into the night let me assure you: I am not going to review *that* steaming pile of fecal matter. Instead I am going to present you with it's successor, the very stupidly named Two Worlds 2.

Yes, apparently the marketing geniuses never realized how silly it would sound and in true Polish fashion decided to make the original name so incompatible with sequels that it actually sounds like pure win.

Two Worlds 2 takes place right after the end of the first game. You play the same character with the same useless plot point of a sister. In the first game you started with your sister being kidnapped and in this one you start with you and her being tortured by a dude that looks very much like something an emo teen would come up with as a cool Final Fantasy Boss idea. Between the deep voice, black armor and red cape and hood this guy is really pushing far into the cliché villain territory.

The only thing he is missing is a mustache, monocle and top hat.

After a little cutscene, you are thrown into the dungeon, the two guards escorting you are promtly killed by a woman looking like a cross between a ninja and a stripper who tells you that she is there on behalf of some Orcs to rescue you. What follows from here is one of the longest tutorials I have ever played.

However this is not a bad thing. It is one of the longest tutorials I have ever played but also one of the best. At no point does it feel tacked on or hamfisted.

Escaping the dungeon makes you learn the basics of movement, lockpicking and fighting. After the escape you find yourself on an island which will double as your home base. In order to get to the mainland you will need to fix the island's teleporter. While doing so you are presented with the basics of stealth, advanced fighting with both melee/ranged weapons and magic.

Before you leave you will even be presented with the game's interesting crafting system. Now I really must praise the developers for their impressive work on this part. The first 1-2 hours of the game is a tutorial that is designed so perfectly that you at no point feel like you are doing anything outside of what feels natural, all the while learning to master every aspect of gameplay completely. On top of that, it is all presented at such a reasonable pace that you never feel like you are being overwhelmed with new information.

Hurr Durr....Lol wut? Wut war?

Actual information is very sparse though. Lorewise the game gives you almost no explanations for many things. Cultures, past wars, allies and enemies. It pretty much assumes that you played the first game and learned it all there and never bothers giving you any background info to anything at all.

This might be fine for people that played the first game but for new players it just leaves you going "what the fuck?" half of the time when characters refer to past events, people or cultural history.

Without going much into spoiler territory, the plot is pretty straight forward, bad guy has sister held captive. Save sister and kill bad guy. Folks it does not get more simple than this. Even Sean Penn in full on "I am Sam" mode could figure it out. But it works.

Just like other open world RPGs the game follows the same formula of having a generic story with plot points here and there, with the real meat of the game being it's huge open enviroment and countless little side quests.

I'm sailing awaaaay. Set at open course for the virgin sea......

If you have played any Elder Scrolls game then this will feel very familiar. The world of Antaloor is quite varied and interesting, featuring a huge open ocean to sail, deserts, swampland, small cities with their own completely different individual styles and lots of random dungeons to explore.

The critters found in Antaloor were a very pleasant surprise as well. The first third of the game takes place in a large landmass that is very much like an African Safari. Kind of like if you stuck an RPG into Far Cry 2 which makes for a very fresh feel.

Instead of giant rats or wolves or any other generic RPG low level fodder we have Baboons, Ostriches, Giant Ants and Shamanistic barbarians with jackal heads. Also special mention goes out to Raptors. I fucking love Raptors and any kid that grew up watching Jurrassic Park does as well. Sadly I still haven't figured out how to ride one...yet.

DO WANT!

The graphics are nothing to write home about, Two Worlds 2 is by no means an ugly game, but it's definately not a pretty one. The graphics feel dated and bland, though not as bland as the voice acting. Voice acting in the first game was notoriously bad, giving the impression that a retard with a speech impediment had decided to start talking like Shakespeare.

This time around they dropped all the thee's and thou's and improved the actual voice acting significantly. It still sounds like a group of high school drama class idiots are on the other side of the recording mic but considering the last game, that's like comparing eating shit to just having it thrown at you. Trust me, I know from experience that the second option is totally the way to go.

Your own character uses a very gravelly "trying to sound like a badass voice" that sort of reminds me of what a skinny nerd would sound like when trying to emulate Vin Diesel. I could get over this if not for the fact that every conversation is so badly animated that it becomes hilarious.

Whenever your character has a conversation, he will wave his arms around randomly from time to time. Shrugging his shoulders or making gestures. All of this is so unnatural that it feels like you are watching a retard with Parkinson's try to sound like Riddick while asking a villager how he can help solve their troubles or asking a guard for directions.

Controls are a tad clunky on the Xbox 360 and a little better on the PC,  nothing too extreme though and after a few hours you get comfortable with it and it all flows quite well. Special mention goes to mounts though, you can ride a horse in the game but the only time you would want to put yourself through that torture is for the specific quests that need it.

I hate you. The moment PETA isn't looking I'm gonna cut off your legs and make glue.

The horse riding controls are so skull-fuckingly, cunt-fartingly terrible that most people would cross the map on foot rather than ride a bloody horse. Thankfully there are plenty of teleport pads spread generously around the world that you never really need to do a lot of backtracking between places once you find them.

The game itself follows a very free-form way of building your character, you of course start with character appearance customization which is very decent, even going so far as letting you configure your height. The game is filled with nice little touches like this. You can even dye your clothes and armor in the game to fit how you want your hero to look. Small things like that go a hell of a long way towards making a game feel great.

There are no fixed classes in the game and as you level up you can freely pick and choose what to invest points into, choosing to either specialize in one aspect of gameplay or becoming a hybrid of anything you may think is useful or interesting.

Magic deserves it's own little section apart from the rest of the general gameplay description. Magic works with cards. You have base cards which choose what type a spell is, whether it is Projectile, Area, Summoning, or Effect.

Elemental cards which choose what the general effect is such as fire, necromancy, water, etc. Then there are minor cards which control bonuses such as multiplying the effects, projectiles bouncing off surfaces, splitting into multiple projectiles on contact, or simply lasting longer or adding defense or damage.

A few examples would be like a fireball that bounces off walls and splits into a new fireball every time it hits an enemy creating a clusterfuck of flames flying back and forth in a group of monsters. Or mixing a water card with an effect card and a time card to have a spell which lets you walk on water. A spell can change drastically just by adding or removing a single card.

At one point I figured out how to make a fireball that left a poison damage over time effect on any enemy it hit as well as splitting into 2 new fireballs and summoning a stone golem everytime it would bounce off of the floor or walls.

Why? Because I could. Fuck rules and being overpowered. Once you start experimenting with magic in this game, the results are almost endless. Most seem to make some sort of twisted sense but really at the end of the day most just feel random and totally awesome by extension.

If only every game gave me such freedom. I would never leave my apartment.

Spell card combos are not permanently set. You can edit their names and switch around any cards you want any time. This leads to totally unhindered experimentation without annoying costs or reset effort on the part of players. 

Same goes for what abilities you invest in, for a small price you can reset your character's skill points to an earlier stage and redistribute them. This design promotes freedom of character development to perfection and lets us just enjoy the many paths of customization unlike so many other RPGs out there that seemingly punish players for not planning ahead properly or wanting to change their previous choices.

So far I have only described the single player aspect of the game. There is a multiplayer online component by the way and it features 2 (you heard me. TWO. I'm not counting the PvP which technically brings it up to THREE) different forms of gameplay.

One is the story mode in which you get a semi-linear large map and go from point A to point B while killing everything in your way. You do these maps with other totally random players and its pretty much up to you to work as a team.

You can do it solo as well but it feels slow and is really built to be tackled by a group considering the difficulty of the creatures in any given area. Just like in the single player campaign you create a character (you can not use your single player character) only instead of being forced to be human, here you are allowed to pick from other races such as Orcs, Elves, etc.

Every level of the multiplayer campaign has a small town at the start to stock up on, buy new gear and sell loot before going on to tackle the cave, forest or tomb featured. It pretty much feels very much like a multiplayer online version of Champions of Norrath and is very enjoyable.

You can call it online play, I'll stick with homoerotic gaming from all the long hard objects entering other men.

Eventually once you have earned a certain amount of gold from the campaign you can use it to buy a town. This brings us to a totally new gameplay feature that feels something like if you took one of those Facebook town builder games.

You have a very large map with outlying forest and farmland. You can put up shops and taverns and farms. Depending on what you put up, your town will earn money or even cost you money thanks to how you set up the taxes in conjunction with upkeep and actual profit. With the right setup you can collect a very huge amount of gold almost daily just from spare tax money that is hanging around and not being used.

You need to keep a good balance between these things, making sure that your people are happy with enough food, fair taxation and guard posts and other creature comforts like a tavern or shops. Shop stocks are even affected by things like having a blacksmith, tannery or other supply buildings. From time to time your town will also face outside threats which your Majordomo will warn you about, prompting you to go out and kill whatever is making your home unsafe.

Other players and friends can also enter your town and if they buy and sell at your shops can give a short term boost to the profits your town makes. You even get your own little home where you can store all the random loot you get during the multiplayer and don't feel like selling but don't feel like carrying around either.

Hoarding is a genuine mental condition, like being a man and peeing sitting down.

It's hard to try to get this all down in one single review as there is so much you can experience in Two Worlds 2. If you were a fan of the first game then this one will fly lightyears beyond what anyone could have ever hoped for in a sequel. Even if like me, you hated the first game with a passion there is still a pretty good chance that you will find at least a few things to enjoy in this title and really grow to like it.

Though it suffers from a few bad design choices and some of the budget constraints are obvious, Two Worlds 2 is a very decent RPG and proves that the series has great potential. The first game may have felt like a complete disaster, this feels almost like a flawed masterpiece.

If Reality Pump can learn to iron out some of the kinks, improve the animations and voice acting, fix their controls and perhaps provide a more serviceable presentation then this company could very well go on to become a contender against Bioware and Bethesda in the RPG Gaming Arena. Unlike it's predecessor, Two Worlds 2 actually deserves a purchase and is sure to provide RPG fans with many hours of enjoyment.

Lose the douche in the middle, show moar bewbs and we are golden.